.....Well BOTH of my parents were Pastors. Yeah so you can only imagine how freaky I am. I wasn't a "bad" child. Loved church if anything. I was heavily involved in it. Lost my virginity after high school to the man I had plan to marry. I mean, my shoes weren't just good...they were goody. (I hope you caught that) I enjoyed the attention I got from being so righteous but.....
I LOVED PORN!!!!
Still do. Learned how to give a proper B & Js through porn. Love giving head. Love having sex. My favorite is when people are around but cant see you like in the bathroom at a party. Im just saying, I had a freaky side that I had to constantly keep in check. Being in the church, lust and passion (except toward King Jesus and God of Abraham) were frowned upon. I constantly told myself how awful I was for wanting sex. I made the guilt after a masturbation session unbearable so I would stop. I would celebrate each week that would go by that I didnt "click on the clit" or "love my neighbor as myself" or "know thyself"! I was proud that I was a woman beater and would share tactics with other women.
Now I know most of you all are from some type of organized religion. And the previous paragraphs of this blog are familiar to you but you don't understand whats so wrong with doing what Ive mentioned. Well, I am about to give you MY OPINION and MY revelation on this. I know you may disagree but I encourage you to continue reading so you know whats in the brain of a different mind than yours.
Organized religion is an amazing tool to point you toward your spirit. I wouldn't be who I am today without being a Christian for 25 years of my life. I look into Islam and love the discipline they teach. I look into the Jewish faith and I love the sound history it has plus their traditions seems to connect them to the spiritual realm more than any other religion. But the one thing I have seen, is this under currant of suppression of feminine power that has become so normal that women no longer see it as a problem.
One major proof is that we all know God isnt human....God is spirit yet we refer to God has "father" or "Him"! And if you got up and said "ALL PRAISE BE TO GOD BLESS HER HOLY NAME!" they would look at you as if satan just proposed to you on the alter and you said yes. Why are we so comfortable with God being man but uncomfortable with God being female even though both would be wrong? So what does this have to do with sex? A lot....
One little secret that I learned that men would hate for women to know is that they feel that women have a power over them that they have to learn to control. That we hold the keys of power walking into any situation that consist of a woman and a man. Without any discipline and focus on their part, we have a STRONG power over them. Their sex drive is crazy high to keep the earth's population going. Very few women want to have kids after a night of cramps or even worst labor pains. Not fun. We are beautiful, nurturing, soft creatures with vaginas that make them feel like gods. To control that urge for us takes much effort so for some instead of doing all that.....they try and control the women.
Have you ever wondered why do women have to cover up in church? Why is it my responsibility to keep you from having visions of us having sex during worship? Why is it that Nicki Minaj is considered a hoe when we have never heard of her being with anyone other than Lil Wayne? Ashton Kutcher has been with just as many women as Kim Kardashian has been with men but she's a SLORE (thats slut and whore together just to clear that up) and he is just a man being a man.
It is an effort to take away feminine power. Im not saying lets all blare out Who Runs the World by Beyonce and take over. I simply saying that Masculine and Feminine power need to be equal for a balanced society.
A woman who owns her sexuality is a dangerous woman. Which is why it is frowned upon so much. A woman flaunting her curves and proud to be connected with her body is considered a hoebag. A woman who has sex on the first date and doesnt want anything to do with that man except sex is considered loose to the church. All these negative concepts that we have learned about our body or being sexual have kept us from great sex and a word we rarely say...ORGASMS (with a s).
The guilt that is playing through our head in the form of questions is blocking out enjoying a very NATURAL part of life. I know its natural because most of the women who are in the church and arent married ARE STILL HAVING SEX!!!!
Im not saying your Priest or Pastor has sat down with the Elders of the church or temple and devised a plan once a month to kill feminine power. Theres not a hate group meeting going on in the basement of the place you worship trying to cut the clits of women spiritually. Most men dont know they do it. Just like most women don't know why some women have great sex no matter the man they have sex with. (the penis however can fuck up some good sex regardless but women who own their bodies would politely tell the man no or just have anal sex) Its because of the negative concepts we have been fed. Most men don't know that they are fucking up their sex life with their future wives by perpetuating these misogynous views of "keep your legs closed" because you cant just click over from being a nun to porn star just because a ring was placed next to the middle finger. It takes women YEARS to become sexually open and comfortable because they have to unlearn these concepts.
I'm not saying go out Friday night and sleep with the first dude who looks to be packing length and girth. I'm saying reevaluate how you view sex. Unlearn the unhealthy parts of it. In my religion it took me researching the original text of scriptures realizing God didn't have a problem with an unmarried woman having sex with an unmarried man..though the culture didn't support that...its just when one or both became married....was it a problem. When sex controls you....starts to get in the way of relationships or your job....then be worried but owning your body.....being present in your body......feeling at home in your body.....is not nasty or unholy. Its quite the opposite. its your temple.
If you are like myself, which a lot of us are, then you are not only dealing with unlearning these concepts but also dealing with the darkness that seemed to be left by someone in you when you were younger and was taken advantage of sexually. We are strong. We are beautiful. No it wasn't our faults no matter WHAT the situation. And WE DESERVE ORGASMS! LOL. Love thyself and today is the perfect time to start!
I write this cause I am going through it. I'm blessed with a man who understands my journey of unlearning but at times it is still difficult. Is anyone going through this same journey or has gone through this journey that has any tips? Love to hear your help. Till next time Love and Freedom!
Seven
You've done it again...opened my eyes to another piece of myself to be examined. You've got some good nuggets here and as the Director of Youth Programming in a Christian church, I struggle a lot (and share my struggles with people often). It's not easy to try to lead a group of young people in the 'right' direction when I'm off balance. Not because I still have sex, but because I go back and forth between justifying my actions and condemning myself for them. I am trying hard to talk with them about sex in a way that isn't like 'yeah, get it how you live it at 15', but in an honest way to provides clarity into what's okay for our religion and their age...talk about tough! I say all that to say, I need to read more and be enlightened by the power of sex and my role in it, so I can feel comfortable with my decisions and not conflicted. Why? Because I'm tryna revel in my orgasms without a side of guilt! That takes the fun away! ;-)
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