I praise you female Jesus aka Jennifer Hudson

Namaste Bitches!!!!!!
I am back. (dont act like you dont masturbate to my blog...you miss it!) I had to take a little time off. Dont know why but my spirit just got quiet on me but many life changing things have happened and lots to say.

The one Im the most excited about is of course the least important....WEIGHT LOSS! Praise Female Jesus!

Ive had issues with my weight ever since my dad told me I was fat in 8th grade. (I cant imagine why its going to be so hard to pick up the phone this Sunday....ahhhhh.....the joy of the Happy Father's Day Text) So I would lose weight just for my dads stamp of approval. Up and down often till I blew up to almost 170 pounds at 5"1. I lost 25 pounds and gained it back in the same amount of time I lost it. Then I kicked my dads approval in the balls, sprayed pepper spray and told it to stop stalking me and it did. That didnt make me lose the weight though but it did begin a love for my body. I began to attract really amazing men. That's when I realize:

Cinderella is a liar and a bitch because real men dont fall in love with doormats and victims!

I use to be able to look in the mirror and point out everything wrong. (dont act like im the only one) Ignoring everything thats right. So I began to focus on my wonderfulness with the same intense I did the shittiness (U never know how many words you use that you cant spell till you write a blog). I felt at home in my skin not realizing I was finding my amazing through internal competition with others. My internal dialogue was filled with jerk ass comments like "Yes, shes pretty but my butt is bigger than hers"....."Oh she's cute but my eyes are better than hers". The only reason why Id love something about me because it was BETTER than yours. (My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard! BTW.... My milkshake is chocolate with brownie bits) You couldnt tell me I didnt love myself with unconditional pure love. Until...

I met the man Im in "union" with now....

His ex wife (model-gorgeous), the mother of his son (blonde-blue eyed gorgeous) and the woman he just broke it off with (brian mcknight made a song about her-gorgeous....thats a fact btw) were all made with perfect ass beauty. I mean not, oh yeah she is pretty. NOPE. The kind of girls you stare at and question your strict loyalty to penis. The kind of beauty that makes you take your hand and move it slowly towards their face to touch them to see if they are real. There was no "Yes shes pretty but...." it was just .....DAMN!!!"

In this time, I realized how much shit was in me. How much garbage I allowed within my subconscious. Yes they were drop dead and alive gorgeous but that doesnt take away my beauty. Yes society may say they are beautiful but I say that Im beautiful. What the I believes is waaaaaay more powerful than what the WE say. Dont believe me?? Just think on how many compliments you have forgotten that people have given to you that you didnt believe because your I said differently. The moment the compliment hit your ear the I came in and said, "they are just being nice dont believe that". Lets not forget, Halle Berry wont let her own man see her without make-up and hair done...I believe she is perfect but her I says differently and thats all that matters.

Everybody is beautiful.....seriously....the quicker you believe that, I MEAN REALLY BELIEVE THAT....the quicker true love for yourself begins to bloom.

Did you know your aura/spirit is ten feet in diameter around you? It can expand to 50 MILES! Your spirit is waaaaay more of you than your body. Who really cares about how the eggs taste in a cake? Apparently we do cause thats how we treat ourselves. Now that I get that, losing the weight should be easy right???? WRONG!

I love to work out. LOVE IT! I love the smell and energy of the gym. I love saunas and steam rooms and that "High" feeling you get from working out. All of that and I could not get motivated to go. So I got a work out buddy. I lost about 3 pounds in 3 weeks which is...eh...but I knew what it was.....it was my lack of discipline with food.

I mean, I have got everything in check. The confidence, the love for myself and the gym so whats missing....lack of discipline. My favorite theme to ignore in my life. My car looks like The titans clashed in it. My room looks like lindsey lohan's life. My feet look like I kick bricks at the beach for a living. There are parts that need to be shaved that look like a Brillo pad unraveled. The list can go on. My father was in the military so he had us do shit I thought was extremely pointless. I constantly heard, "Once you get out of my house you can do what you want." And once I got out, I DID JUST THAT but.....

True freedom is found in balance.

I tried low carb. I tried low cal. I tried drink water before u eat. I tried starvation. U know whats the one thing in common with them all....all those diets were extreme in one way or another. So I heard, "I am you! You are me!" (soulfully annoying) weight watcher commercials just like everyone else. Every time I saw the commercial I wanted to hate it (like the Hills theme song) but i couldnt. Why? Female Jesus....Jennifer Hudson is amazing.

Though not a fan of her voice and music (but her "youre gonna love me" song in dream girls...genius).... Jennifer hudson got famous while being far from skinny. We loved her just the way she was because she did. A horrible tragedy happened where her family was murdered. Then an amazing thing happened she got engaged and had a baby. All the things happening in her life were major reasons to gain weight. She would have been validated by anyone (especially women because when we hit our cycle we bloat to the size of New Jersey Housewives arguments). Instead she lost weight. She looks amazing. Not more happy with herself (cuz that was already there) but more excited about life. She lost it for all the right reasons. I wanted that. So guess what I did....joined weight watchers.

Jennifer hudson wasnt the only one. Green Tea, an amazing local "on her way to being national" artist, went from a size 12 to a size 2 in a year and a half. Audrey, my spiritual mentor's (HEY MS ALMA) daughter, lost 60 pounds. My friend from high school has stayed at a size 2 for years thanks to weight watchers. So I just had to. If I can conquer my imbalance with food.....all other areas would fall into place. SO I signed up for 3 months for 58 dollars. Its one of the best things Ive done. Havent been on a week and I've lost a half an inch in my stomach and 2 pounds. It teaches you that you can go to a fast food restaurant and eat an big mac. If you crave it, do it! Just know you have eaten half of your points of the day. All veggies and fruit are zero points. So I can eat my big mac and veg out literally for the rest of the day and be waaaaaay under my points. Its not a diet it is really a change of the way you see food,

All in all, Im happy. Its been a long road with dealing with this body of mine but I feel amazing. Dont get it twisted, there are things Id like to change but thats not my focus. I realize how really pretty I am when I saw all of the good shit God gave me. The best part is that the amazing I now own doesnt come from anyone else but me. Which means, there is no time limit when I can get it, theres no cut off and its permanent. Ill keep yall posted on my progress. Love & freedom.

There is no Spoon
SEVEN